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"My ex moved on and it hurts"
This can be very painful. Pain is a portal. It doesn’t always mean you’re still in love with your ex. There may have been a lot of hopes, dreams, or fantasies still attached to that person or that relationship. Grieving will unfold in layers.
1. Allow yourself space to feel:
You gotta “feel it to heal it”. As hard as it might be, allow yourself time and space to name your feelings, especially the uncomfortable ones. All feelings are messengers, they’re there to tell us something. So when anger arises, or jealousy or sadness, notice where it shows up in your body.
Acknowledge it as sensation.
Try not to judge it, or judge yourself for feeling it. Write about it. One good technique is to write from the angry or hurting part of yourself. Give it center stage and let it write, uncensored. Give it time to “purge out” anything it needs to let go of. You’ll know when it feels complete. Do this as often as necessary.
2. Practice self compassion:
It might sound silly, but this is such an important step, and one that is often overlooked. Learn to coach yourself through the painful waves of emotion. Chances are, you’re talking to a part of your inner child. Do I feel unloved/not seen? Do I feel used? Do I feel discarded?
Learn to “parent” your inner child, and self soothe by letting it know that seeing your ex with someone else means none of these things.
Maybe your ex is moving on simply as a tool to avoid feeling their own feelings. Maybe your ex moved on because it’s part of their own soul’s path. Chances are, it’s more about them and what’s going on with them, and less about you (or your primal wounds).
Trust the bigger picture, and know everything is working out for your highest good.
Honor your feelings, honor your pain, but then know when to release and let go. Don’t stay “stuck” in the stagnation of the past. It’s just a story now.
Megan Carnahan, MSW, LISW – WWW.CARNAHANCOUNSELING.COM